Dr. Jenn Gunsaullus, sociologist and sexologist, writes her sex advice and gender commentary blog. The sex blog includes relationship advice, free sex education videos, sex tips, sex-positive mindfulness, and podcast interviews.
Although self-care matters all year long, the start of a new year can be a consistent time for us to check in and see how well we're taking care of ourselves. If you're a woman, you may have been specifically trained to put everyone else's needs first. And if you're constantly on the run...
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Last Friday I got to be on KUSI News and Good Morning San Diego for the first time, talking about ways to focus on your relationships and sex life in the new year. The morning producer brought up a good point - resolutions and intentions tend to focus on our individual needs...but what about focusing on improving our primary relationship?
I suggest a three-step process:
1) What's not working in your relationship and sex life? Write this down and get clear on it. What is your role in this?
2)What is your vision of a happy, satisfied, and connected relationship? Be clear on what direction you're headed.
3) At the start of every month this year, choose one thing to focus on that prioritizes improving what's listed under #1 and moves you in the direction of #2.
I discuss why scheduling is so important, offer ideas to prioritize at the start of each month, and I also give a suggestion to folks who are single and a bit jaded with the dating experience.
~Dr. Jenn Gunsaullus, San Diego Sexologist, Sociologist, Sexual Health Speaker
What's not working in your sex or intimate life? What makes you unhappy, disconnected, or unsatisfied? Start there, when you're brainstorming on you sexual intentions for the new year. The article link below through Shape Magazine has many ideas for the new year. I was interviewed for this article, and have lots of my suggestions sprinkled throughout. May your new year be filled with passion, fun, and connection. :)
Resolve to give you sex life a boost in 2015. These tips will get you there: http://t.co/4Bbcmd84WR
— Shape Magazine (@Shape_Magazine) January 1, 2015
~Dr. Jenn Gunsaullus, San Diego Sexologist, Sociologist, Sexuality Speaker
From: http://www.salon.com/2012/01/04/the_sexual_resolution/It’s a few weeks into the new year – have your resolutions already fallen by the wayside? Did you swear off fatty foods, cigarettes, and excessive drinking, or commit yourself to lose weight, eat healthier, and keep a budget, only to find yourself slipping into old habits? These are all worthy intentions for the new year, but I think a different approach, especially when applied to improving sex and relationships, can keep you on track this whole year long.
Choose one relationship or sexual improvement goal this year, and continually work towards developing that. For example, do you and your partner struggle when it comes to communication? If so, each month create a small plan about how you’re going to work on that. Perhaps you could start in January with each writing a list of your needs, irritations, and resentments and kindly discuss them with each other. Then in February you can each choose two needs and present a plan on how they could be better met in your relationship. Each month you can add on a new component or communication mode. There’s no right or wrong way to do this; just keep plugging along.
Of if your goal for the year is to learn more about your sexual pleasure, desire, and arousal, choose a different aspect of this to explore each month. You could start with reading through Amazon reviews on books about sexual pleasure, and find one that piques your interest. Next month you could take a class, have a vulnerable conversation with a friend, purchase a new sexual toy, try a lubricant, etc. Anything that builds towards your big picture goal of sexual pleasure knowledge.
One of the most important ways to stay true to your new year’s goals is to have a plan and review it regularly for sustainability and accountability. Set your phone alarm for every Sunday evening as a reminder to review your intention and reflect on whether you’ve taken steps towards or away from that. Then write down ideas for that week of how you’re going to take a step in the right direction. Intentions are a work in progress, so continue to identify what works and what doesn’t for you, and apply that feedback to create success.
~Dr. Jenn Gunsaullus, San Diego, CA -- Sociologist, Sex Coach, Sexuality Speaker, Sexologist
Dr. Jenn is a sociologist and relationship & sexuality speaker who challenges our cultural beliefs around sex, sexual consent, gender roles, and health intimacy, with a mindfulness and compassionate approach. Her site includes a sex blog, free sex education videos, sexuality speaking information, and mindfulness resources.
