The 3 R's for Maintaining Love

With the start of the school year, it's not a bad idea to use this time to take stock of your relationship, and make sure you're still on track and deeply in love. I discuss three R's of long-term long, including Reassess, Recognize, and Romance, with Marc Bailey on San Diego Living. What would your R's be? :)

~Dr. Jenn Gunsaullus, San Diego Sexologist, Sexual Health Speaker, Sociologist

Can Dancing Improve Your Sex Life?

We already know that dancing is a physical and sensual experience, alone or with a partner. But how can it assist in deepening the intimacy in your relationship? And for you folks who say "hell, no!" when your partner asks you to dance, consider that this attitude could be impacting the health of your sex life! This segment on San Diego Living was inspired by the local stage presentation of Dirty Dancing!

~Dr. Jenn Gunsaullus -- San Diego Sexologist, Sexuality Speaker, Sociologist

Help with Sexual Communication

Sexual communication can be difficult, awkward, and scary.

I was recently interviewed on the podcast show "Full Speech Ahead!" on how to get what you want in your sex life through better communication. The host, Milo Shapiro, is a long time speaker, a public speaking coach, and has an improv background, which really made it a fun interview. You can catch the posted version of this interesting, valuable interview on the "Podcast Page" on www.FullSpeechAhead.com. 

~Dr. Jenn Gunsaullus, San Diego Sexologist, Sociologist, & Sexuality Speaker

New Year: Change Your Relationship

From: http://www.salon.com/2012/01/04/the_sexual_resolution/It’s a few weeks into the new year – have your resolutions already fallen by the wayside? Did you swear off fatty foods, cigarettes, and excessive drinking, or commit yourself to lose weight, eat healthier, and keep a budget, only to find yourself slipping into old habits? These are all worthy intentions for the new year, but I think a different approach, especially when applied to improving sex and relationships, can keep you on track this whole year long.

Choose one relationship or sexual improvement goal this year, and continually work towards developing that. For example, do you and your partner struggle when it comes to communication? If so, each month create a small plan about how you’re going to work on that. Perhaps you could start in January with each writing a list of your needs, irritations, and resentments and kindly discuss them with each other. Then in February you can each choose two needs and present a plan on how they could be better met in your relationship. Each month you can add on a new component or communication mode. There’s no right or wrong way to do this; just keep plugging along.

Of if your goal for the year is to learn more about your sexual pleasure, desire, and arousal, choose a different aspect of this to explore each month. You could start with reading through Amazon reviews on books about sexual pleasure, and find one that piques your interest. Next month you could take a class, have a vulnerable conversation with a friend, purchase a new sexual toy, try a lubricant, etc. Anything that builds towards your big picture goal of sexual pleasure knowledge.

One of the most important ways to stay true to your new year’s goals is to have a plan and review it regularly for sustainability and accountability. Set your phone alarm for every Sunday evening as a reminder to review your intention and reflect on whether you’ve taken steps towards or away from that. Then write down ideas for that week of how you’re going to take a step in the right direction. Intentions are a work in progress, so continue to identify what works and what doesn’t for you, and apply that feedback to create success.

~Dr. Jenn Gunsaullus, San Diego, CA -- Sociologist, Sex Coach, Sexuality Speaker, Sexologist

Have a Beer with your Fear

(This was originally posted on October 31, 2012, as the Sex & Relationships Blog for Pacific San Diego Magazine.)

http://www.zazzle.com/trick_or_beer_funny_halloween_tshirt_mug-168835565549837282It’s Halloween, so why not have a beer with your fear? I don’t mean to say you should use alcohol to ecape your fears. But I do suggest you sit down with your fear like you would an old friend, and really listen to it.

We usually run from our fears through distraction, numbing, or reacting with anger to feel more powerful. We do anything we can to not feel the fear, regardless of whether the feelings come from a fear of pain, loss, humiliation, being unlovable, not smart enough, not man enough, not pretty enough, etc. Until we learn how to sit down with our fears and accept them for being there, like we would a friend, we continue to allow them to wreak havoc in the background. While it might not seem important in the background, this means our fears will influence our reactions, decisions, and ability to relate to others. Pretending that they are not there only makes this dynamic stronger and out of our control.

How can you break this pattern? By doing the opposite of what you want to do. When you want to escape or distract from an uncomfortable fear, choose to stay with the feelings and bodily sensations. Notice them, label them, breathe into them. Befriend your fears by accepting them for exactly as they are. Once you’ve sat and had a few beers with them, they aren’t so scary anymore. Cheers!

~Dr. Jenn Gunsaullus, San Diego, CA -- Sexologist, Sociologist, Sexuality Speaker