Sex in San Diego...During Coronavirus - Part #1

Sex in San Diego…During Coronavirus

Part #1 – I’m so proud of her.

Sex during coronavirus…how are couples in San Diego handling the fear and changes?

Photo by Brooke Cagle on Unsplash.

Paul* messaged me with a sex question on March 13 through Facebook. His wife was out of town for work in the health field addressing coronavirus, although in an office setting. He said that they were “Skyperbating” for now, but he wanted to know if it was safe to have sex with her when she returned home. We talked about the potential risks, and that yes, it will increase his risk of contracting COVID-19.

I followed up with him 10 days later. His wife had been home for three days, but was still going into a local office every day for essential health-related work. He was working from home. He is in his 40s and she’s in her 30s, and they’ve been married for almost 3 years.

Despite the confusion, fears, and disappointments right now, Paul is keeping his sense of humor. When he agreed to this interview, he joked: “Pandemic or not, I still don’t know where the clitoris is.” 

Dr. Jenn: What has changed in your sex life because of coronavirus?

Paul: We’ve had more sex! She was away for a couple weeks and working on the ground in this health crisis. We’re married, now we’re constantly in the same space, and we don’t want to socially isolate from each other at this point. We’re going to be spending A LOT of time around each other. So there’s been a lot of sex in that past few days. More than usual.

Dr. Jenn: Why is that the case?

Paul: I don’t mean to say this in a patronizing way, but I am so fucking proud of her and the work that she’s doing. I think, “That’s my girl.” And in terms of wanting her – not that I didn’t before – but I see her in her underwear, and I think of what she’s doing out in the world and it’s even more of a turn on. It’s intensified things. 

Dr. Jenn: Has anything changed regarding emotional intimacy with your wife?

Paul: Very much so. Yeah…it’s not about facing mortality, or anything like that, but her working in the health field has made a lot of things super real and things super intense for her.

This event seems to be helping with emotional intimacy because we have a common purpose in a new way. And her being away for a few weeks, it felt like my family was broken up when this started. Going through this heavy thing together has brought us closer together.

Dr. Jenn: What were you most worried about?

Paul: I was in more of a panic then [on March 13]. At the time, I was more responding to the fear of the newness of this, and not having had a day or two to settle into understanding it.

I realized that we touch all the same things [in our house]. She works in the health field, and we’ve talked about the risk and how we have to forge on with life. I’m going to get this virus, and my wife will. For most of us it will suck ass for a week. We don’t want to spread to others, so we’re not hanging with folks or going out, not that anything is open anyway. 

But it’s been grounding for us. Our jobs aren’t going anywhere, we have groceries. We’re okay. 

Dr. Jenn: What do you feel most grateful for in these difficult circumstances?

Paul: Her. I don’t know if I would have said that two or three weeks ago. But yeah, totally her. Making love to my wife. And taking simple moments to enjoy pausing when walking the dog and looking around. Yeah, it’s helped me feel more grateful. 

*Names and identifying characteristics have been changed.

~Dr. Jenn Gunsaullus, San Diego Keynote Speaker, Intimacy Coach, & Sociologist