Dr. Jenn Gunsaullus, sociologist and sexologist, writes her sex advice and gender commentary blog. The sex blog includes relationship advice, free sex education videos, sex tips, sex-positive mindfulness, and podcast interviews.
You have a good first date. Meaningful conversation, enjoyable interactions, lots of laughs. But you didn't feel any sexual spark or chemistry. Does that mean any potential for romantic dating is doomed? Or can chemistry develop over time? It's a complicated topic, and I offered my two cents about this topic...
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Sexting has gotten a bad rap. And it's often considered something only the young or newly dating do, so it's dismissed as trivial. But when I was recently interviewed for Shape Magazine online about sexting for married couples, I was thrilled to share some tips and tricks and give sexting some validation! Here are a couple of the points I offered:
"Men tend to enjoy more explicit sexual references and don't find it embarrassing, so the more you just decide to own your choice to be flirty and trust your husband's response, the more fun you both can have with it," says Jenn Gunsaullus, Ph.D., a sociologist and intimacy counselor in San Diego, CA. Plus, that unfamiliar feeling that may be making you hesitate is actually what makes it such great foreplay: The element of surprise and newness can be sexually exciting, she adds.
"The mind is our main sex organ, and choosing the right flirty words to seduce your partner can make them feel very desired," Gunsaullus explains.
Read the entire article 6 Tips for Sexting Up Your Marriage by Rachael Schultz, about the whys and hows of sexting your long term partner!
~Dr. Jenn Gunsaullus, San Diego Sexologist, Sex Speaker, Sociologist
We generally think that fear is a bad thing for our relationships and sex lives. But maybe not?
Shortly before Halloween, I spoke on San Diego Living about the potential relationship benefits of fear, and how you can consciously bring this into your relationship for fun all year long!
~Dr. Jenn Gunsaullus -- San Diego Sexologist, Sexual Health Speaker, Sociologist
Summer loving had me a blast,
Summer loving happened so fast,
I met a girl crazy for me,
Met a boy cute as can be...
What is it about summer time that seems to make us feel more romantic? San Diego Living (Ch. 6) brought me in to discuss this as we launch into summer time. Is it the warmer days? Longer daylight? Less clothing? Nostalgic feelings? All of the above! I also share some tips about harnassing the sensual feeling of summer to ignite your summer romance.
~Dr. Jenn Gunsaullus, San Diego Sexuality Speaker, Sexologist, & Sociologist
It can be easy to get in a rut when showing your love and affection to your partner. I offer suggestions around building sensuality, expressing appreciation, creating sexy time, and filling your partner's love bucket. Softcup Menstrual Cup company brought me in to be their expert for their February Month of Love - fun folks there, doing good work!
~Dr. Jenn Gunsaullus, San Diego Sexologist, Sociologist, Sex Speaker
Sex is fun…and complicated! While there are a lot of biological components of sexuality, there are also a lot of social, mental and emotional aspects. These often get in the way of enjoying the pleasures of our bodies and the potential for deep connections with others. As a Relationship and Intimacy Counselor, I receive many questions from women about their sex lives; below are five of the most common questions I receive.
1. Am I normal? Is what we’re doing normal?
These questions come from a fear of being judged or not feeling good enough. There may be sexual statistical averages around activities and frequency and tastes, but what really matters is what you like and don’t like, and the same for your partner. You could be perfectly “average” and “normal,” but still have a miserable sex life! Each individual and couple needs to create their own “normal” based on their preferences, needs and desires.
2. Why don’t I feel desire any more? How can I feel passion again?
It is really common for women in long-term relationships to lose their desire. Desire is a tricky thing that we tend to take for granted in the early stages of a relationship. But once those neurochemicals wear off, most women and couples don’t know what to do. The first step is to redefine desire from something that happens to you, to something that you can cultivate. What primes your pump? By this I mean, what can your partner do that helps you feel open to being sexual? Is it doing the dishes for you, massaging your shoulders, or having an eye-to-eye conversation? Focus on what makes you feel loved and nurtured and also makes your partner seem appealing. The second thing you can do is to take responsibility for your own desire. What puts you in the mood, such as reading erotica, fantasizing, or touching yourself? Do these things regularly to kick-start your libido.
3. How can I request my sexual needs without feeling embarrassed?
Read the rest of this blog that I wrote for the Softcup Blog HERE.
~Dr. Jenn Gunsaullus, San Diego Sexologist, Sex Speaker, Sociologist
Dr. Jenn is a sociologist and relationship & sexuality speaker who challenges our cultural beliefs around sex, sexual consent, gender roles, and health intimacy, with a mindfulness and compassionate approach. Her site includes a sex blog, free sex education videos, sexuality speaking information, and mindfulness resources.
