Research on what people most love about their sexuality and sexual expression

Last year I conducted an online “Sex & Vulnerability” survey, and 269 respondents anonymously shared their fears, insecurities, and shame around their bodies, sexual experiences, and emotions.

But I also wanted to know what they celebrate around their sexuality. So the final question was:

What do you appreciate or love about your sexuality, sexual functioning, or sexual expression?

I found 6 major themes when analyzing their responses, in this order of frequency:

Openness to sexual exploration
Body’s desire or response to pleasure
Comfort and acceptance
Sharing physical and/or emotional intimacy with another
Giving pleasure to another
Appreciating specific body parts

Craig Beach, MD, a Clinical and Forensic Psychiatrist, interviewed me about these themes for a recent article in Psychology Today. I’m posting part of the article below, but you can read the entire essay here: What Do People Most Love About Their Sexual Expression.

Dr. Craig Beach writes: If you’re like most of us, when you think about sex and vulnerability, many uncomfortable topics likely pop to mind, like judgment, insecurity, and shame. But have you ever considered what you most appreciate or love about your sexual expression? Dr. Jennifer Gunsaullus has and, as a sociologist, communication coach, speaker, and author, Dr. Jenn recently conducted an anonymous online survey with *269 respondents of all adult ages.

Dr. Jenn’s “Sex & Vulnerability” survey primarily asked questions related to insecurities and shame. She posed the following question:

What do you appreciate or love about your sexuality, sexual functioning, or sexual expression?

The following six major themes emerged from the participants’ open-ended responses:

1. Openness around sexual exploration or experimentation

Respondents emphasized the importance of being non-judgmental, both towards themselves and others. There was a desire to remain curious, approach sex in a playful way, enjoy how fun sex can be, and appreciate the energy of flirtation.

One respondent, who was in their 30s and identified as gender nonbinary, bisexual, and polyamorous wrote, “I'm more open and vulnerable with my sexuality than most people I know, especially where I moved from. I feel a lot more flexible and can flow in most sexual situations now and I really love that about myself.”

2. Higher desire or their body’s responsiveness to pleasure and orgasm

This theme emphasized people’s ability to experience a higher desire and responsiveness to pleasure. One respondent in their 50s, who identified as gender nonbinary and bisexual, and is divorced and dating, commented, “I do love the fact that I come easily and often, and that I can enact the behavior of a ‘typical’ woman or man and get very similar emotional/sexual pleasure from each. I love that my brain IS capable of prioritizing sex at least some amount of the time, so I can really enjoy it without being distracted when it comes up (which is odd.... because if I'm doing ANY OTHER activity, I'm distracted largely all of the time).”

3. Comfort and acceptance

This category broke down into two broad sub-themes: a) acceptance of one’s body and self as a sexual being, and b) the experience of feeling accepted by one’s partner for their body and as a sexual being. Respondents focused on the importance of being completely open and comfortable to disclose their sexual orientation and gender identity and being free from shame (e.g., pleasure without shame, no shame in masturbation, giving up shame and overcoming one’s religious upbringing, etc.). Notable quotes included:

“I love just being me. The sexual me. Feeling pleasure without shame, I love being experimental, and I love to just feel,” shared a divorced woman in her 50s, who identifies as heterosexual and is now in a serious relationship and practicing consensual non-monogamy.

“I appreciate that all things considered, I’m incredibly lucky not to carry a lot of shame with me around my sexuality. I appreciate that I overcame my eating disorder and feel much more confident around my body now (which directly translates to how I feel in the bedroom being naked and vulnerable around others). I appreciate that I’m in a loving, committed relationship where we can explore our sexuality together. We should really do this more often!” wrote a woman in her 30s who identifies as heterosexual and in a serious relationship….

You can read the entire essay here: What Do People Most Love About Their Sexual Expression.

~Dr. Jenn Gunsaullus — Sociologist, Intimacy Speaker, & Communication Consultant