Dr. Jenn Gunsaullus, sociologist and sexologist, writes her sex advice and gender commentary blog. The sex blog includes relationship advice, free sex education videos, sex tips, sex-positive mindfulness, and podcast interviews.
Journalists and writers always keep me on my toes with their interview topic requests. There’s been many funny and creative topics over the years, and recently I was asked about the best sex positions for heterosexual couples who want deeper penetration….
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A lot goes into great sex: Affection, attraction, anticipation, location, surprise, and much more. To spur your imagination, we spoke to seven women who shared their sexiest, most mind-blowing experiences, then asked experts to help us understand what you can learn from them.
"Our coworkers could have caught us in the act."
This new guy and I had been casually flirting on the job for a couple of weeks. We worked at a photo studio that shot models and clothes and lifestyle products. One of my chores was to manage the product closet. One day I was inside cataloging when my crush came by to chat. We started joking around ... and the next thing I knew he was kissing me. The closet connected to a conference room, so I quickly shut the door. It wasn't too long before our clothes started hitting the floor. He'd just peeled off my panties when I heard voices. We froze. My boss had come into the conference room with some coworkers, apparently for a meeting. The guy stared at me. I stared back. Trapped! So why not? We picked up where we left off. The thrill was insane: a new guy, a crazy new experience, the risk of discovery. Even better was trying to be quiet. When I was about to climax, he gave me his shirt to bite down on. It smelled like his cologne, and my orgasm was seismic.
—ANGELA, 32
WHY IT WORKED
The fear of being caught sends a gusher of adrenaline and endorphins through your system, heightening the passion, says Jenn Gunsaullus, Ph.D., a sociologist and intimacy counselor in San Diego. But there's a subtler kick too: Fooling around in secret makes you both feel that you're sharing a special bond—and that connection can linger after the act.
Click here to read the rest of this Men's Health Magazine article by Jennifer Miller.
~Dr. Jenn Gunsaullus, San Diego Sexologist, Sex Speaker, Sociologist, & Sex Counselor
Forget the complicated Kama Sutra that justs sits on your shelf and overwhelms you! Here are some simple tips you can do right away and continually to keep you more intimately connected to your partner. We focused more on fun than educational content in this piece, but hopefully you can laugh along with us :)
~Dr. Jenn Gunsaullus, San Diego -- Sexologist, Sociologist, Sexuality Speaker
Can you give too much during sex? I was asked to write about "giving in the bedroom" for the Philanthropy Issue of Pacific San Diego Magazine this August 2012. You might be surprised to read that a give, give, give approach isn't always the best.
Dr. Jenn Gunsaullus, San Diego Sexologist, Sociologist, Sexuality Speaker
Dear Dr. Jenn~
My girlfriend and I haven’t been having much sex recently and I think it’s because I’m always stressed about work. I just don’t feel like having sex much (I never thought I would say that!) and although it’s still good when we have it, I feel like I’m always distracted. I’m 29 and my girlfriend says I’m too young to be feeling this way! What can I do to want sex more?
Thanks,
Too Stressed for Sex
—-
http://idiva.com/photogallery-health/too-stressed-to-enjoy-sex/4335Dear Too Stressed for Sex,
Work stress can definitely take a toll on a relationship, as well as your ability to enjoy sex. Unfortunately as Americans, we often “live to work” instead of “work to live,” and this focus on work can detract from other more meaningful parts of our lives. Stress can impact sex in multiple ways. First, the ongoing release of stress hormones in the body can cause our adrenal glands to inhibit our sex hormones. This can mean a reduced sex drive. As well, stress fatigues the body and can interfere with sleep, all leading to less energy for life overall, let alone sex. You also said that you are distracted during sex, which sounds like you can’t let go of work once you are home. This can certainly hamper your pleasure in the moment, and I’m guessing your girlfriend can tell the difference too.
One of the best ways to reduce stress is to practice mindfulness. Mindfulness is being present in the moment, and observing your thoughts, feelings, and sensations, without judgment. This is a skill that can be learned through daily practices. I suggest sitting quietly for 10 to 15 minutes each day, to start retraining your brain. Just begin by observing your breath. If your thoughts lead you away from observing your breath, gently bring your focus back. Do this over and over and over again. That is the practice of mindfulness. It sometimes helps people to label their thoughts once they notice the distraction. You can ask yourself: Was I planning? Worrying? Judging myself? Making a list? Organizing? Place a label on the thought pattern and bring yourself back to the present moment. I also recommend finding a guided mindfulness meditation online to help strengthen your focus and build your meditative muscles.
What does mindfulness or mediation have to do with sex? Research has found that mindfulness-based practices are incredibly valuable in reducing stress. As outlined above, reducing stress is important for your sex drive. Mindfulness can also help you slow down, be more aware of your state of being, and make different choices regarding thoughts and feelings. This will allow you to be more present with your girlfriend. The more you practice mindfulness in everyday ways, the easier it will be to apply to the bedroom. This will keep your sexual energy flowing and help you enjoy the delicious sensations in the moment.
Passionately,
Dr. Jenn
~Dr. Jenn Gunsaullus, San Diego, CA -- Sex Therapist, Marriage Counselor, Sexologist, College Sexual Health Speaker
Dr. Jenn interviews the SEXUCATOR, Cathy Nguyen, about what new moms can do to maintain an active and playful sex life. She offers lots of great ideas for sex after children.
SEXUAL FUN FACT
How do sperm, once they are inside a woman, find the ova (egg)? (Hint: They use a sense...)
SPECIAL DEN SEX-TION
The Den Sex Position of the Day - What is "The Out of Town Guests"?
~Dr. Jenn Gunsaullus, San Diego, CA -- Sex Therapy, Marriage Counseling, and College Sexual Health Speaker
Dr. Jenn is a sociologist and relationship & sexuality speaker who challenges our cultural beliefs around sex, sexual consent, gender roles, and health intimacy, with a mindfulness and compassionate approach. Her site includes a sex blog, free sex education videos, sexuality speaking information, and mindfulness resources.
