What is “mindful sex” and what are the ways to cultivate sexual mindfulness?

I sat down on a Zoom call recently with my dear friend, the writer Trudi Roth, who lives in Los Angeles.

Trudi was writing a blog for Cleo Period Products. And since she read my book (From Madness to Mindfulness: Reinventing Sex for Women) last fall, she wanted to delve specifically into the topic of sexual mindfulness for women.

I’ve included the beginning of the article below; you can read the entire article here: A Sex Coach on How to Cultivate Sexual Mindfulness.

Let’s talk about sex baby. Cleo sat down with intimacy expert, sex coach, and author of From Madness to Mindfulness: Reinventing Sex for Women, Jennifer Gunsaullus, Ph.D., (aka Dr. Jenn) to discover how women can empower themselves to do exactly that. The trick is to give yourself permission to feel more worthy of love and great sex. Here’s how.
You open your book about how women can find and embrace their authentic sexual selves with a story about the first time you heard about menstruation.
That’s right. When I was in 4th grade, they separated the boys and girls, and the female teacher showed us this cartoon about menstruation. At first, I didn't understand the concept, but slowly it dawned on me that this was going to happen to my body. I started to get warm all over, and then I threw up in front of everyone, which was horribly humiliating.
How does this experience relate to sexual mindfulness?
That was my earliest memory of shame around having a female body and the natural things that our bodies do. It speaks to how important it is to pay attention to the somatic reactions inside our bodies because that's where we can take back our power. When we begin to notice our visceral emotional reactions and remember to be kind to ourselves and breathe through it, we can experience empowerment like never before.
Mindfulness is a hot topic these days, but what does it have to do with sex and sexuality?
Everything! There are three main ways that I address it in my work:
The first is mindfully reflecting on the messages you received in childhood and early experiences around sexuality, body image, and intimacy, as these probably don’t work for you today. We have to shine a bright light on where these messages came from and what they are, and realize that they don’t have to define our sexual experiences anymore.
The second part examines your current relationships: Where are your patterns? When do you lash out? When do you shut down? When do you want to numb or distract yourself? Those are the main four paths we go down when we're triggered. Mindfulness is all about taking ownership of what your interpretations and emotions are and where you feel them. It’s about speaking from that place of vulnerability and authenticity and creating a safe space for your partner to do the same.
The third way explores your sexual encounters mindfully and where you are distracted. Do you have body image concerns or performance anxiety? Maybe you’re worried it's taking too long for you to come or if you have your period. You can acknowledge these thoughts then choose to bring yourself back. And by allowing yourself to be vulnerable and authentic with your partner in the moment — you experience real emotional intimacy.
What are the benefits of cultivating sexual mindfulness?
The great thing about feeling sexual is it feels powerful. It has a vitality to it — and we could all use more of that right now. That neurochemical cocktail of feeling turned on makes us feel more confident. Mindful intimacy with yourself or your partner only takes five minutes and is about honoring the little things you can do every day….

Read the entire article here: A Sex Coach on How to Cultivate Sexual Mindfulness.

Be kind to yourself folks,

Dr. Jenn Gunsaullus, San Diego Sexologist, Keynote Speaker, & Sociologist