A Hot Date with My Vagina

This is not actually about MY vagina (sorry to disappoint ;), but that of a courageous reporter for the San Diego CityBeat magazine. Alex Zaragoza interviewed me this month about women's pleasure, masturbation, sensuality, mindfulness, and empowerment. She listened to my free 10-minute guided "Meditative Masturbation" audio file, and then set up a sexy date night for her personal sexual pleasure. My favorite line from her article? "Take my vagina out; treat her all nice; wine her, dine her, vibrator-time her."

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Sex—it's great, right? I want it all the time. It's basically a vitamin that I really want to take daily because I know it will make me feel good. Unfortunately, like my actual vitamins, I'll go days, or sometimes even weeks, without getting my Vitamin D(ick), leaving me with a severe lack of bone density. Long workdays, general fatigue and laptops in bed seem to be the boner killers in my life these days. Laptop in bed, libido = dead.

As a result, I've taken matters into my own hands. I masturbate often. We should never feel embarrassed or ashamed about masturbating. Shame only strengthens fears instilled by prudish, women-hating jerks.

That said, I don't treat masturbating like something special, nor do many of the heterosexual women I asked. It's more of an I need to get laid but my boyfriend / husband / sex idiot is woefully tired / working / in the drunk tank. I guess I'll just knock one off the wrist before making dinner. 

When it comes to sex, women tend to want some level of romance or excitement. We make a date special by dressing up, setting the mood with boot-knocking jams, wearing perfume and all that other good stuff that incites a bone session. However, when it comes to sex with ourselves, we often just go for the quick-and-easy fix in between the millions of things we seem to have going on at any given time.

I'll admit that my masturbation sessions usually involve lying in bed in a slovenly fashion with Parks & Recreation paused on the TV. It's not the sexiest thing in the world. But lighting candles and dimming the lights to rub one out seems cheesy.

Dr. Jenn Gunsaullus believes otherwise. The sex therapist says women should treat masturbation as they would sex with anyone. I visited Dr. Jenn's den, her Pacific Beach home, where she also sees clients, to talk about meditative masturbation. With a friendly, open expression, Dr. Jenn told me things I've always known: Masturbation not only feels amazing; it's also a way to understand and love your body. You gain insight into your sexuality and sensuality, and, over time, the sex you have improves. However, knowing those things doesn't mean you make the experience intimate, as is the case with my lazy ass.

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Read the entire article "A Hot Date with My Vagina" by Alex Zaragoza at San Diego CityBeat.

~Dr. Jenn Gunsaullus, San Diego Sexologist, Sociologist, Sexuality Speaker

Fall Dr. Jenn's Den Newsletter - Mindfulness Edition

To view the entire newlestter, click here for the Dr. Jenn's Den Mindfulness Edition.

~Dr. Jenn Gunsaullus, San Diego, CA -- Sexologist, Sociologist, Sexuality Speaker, Mindfulness Speaker

Is Wonder Woman your Sexual Archetype?

With Comic Con in full swing in downtown San Diego right now, I’m having flashbacks to Wonder Woman from my childhood. And since I’m in the sex field, not surprisingly this progressed to me reflecting on Wonder Woman as a sexual archetype. An archetype is a constellation of personality traits that form a recognizable character, such as the Mother, the Warrior, or the Teacher. If someone asked you to enact one of these roles, you’d have a good idea of what to do because they make sense to us.

I expand on this concept of archetypes to include sexual archetypes who can help us grow in our sexual identities. Do you like who you are in the bedroom? Do you express yourself authentically and fully in sexually encounters? Do you bring the best of you to sex? If not, a sexual archetype can be a tool for growth.

Due to the stigmas and discomfort we have around full sexual expression in the United States, sexual expression can often be stifled. If you have a fear of sexual rejection or fear of sexual judgment for being authentically sexually you (who grows up in this society and doesn’t?!), it can feel terrifying to try something different.

One way to break through your sexual blocks is to choose a sexual archetype with whom you identify. While we have archetype understandings of the Seductress or the Whore or the Goddess, I like to extend this to our cultural icons. What Hollywood star, movie or television character, or book persona exudes a sexual energy you’d like to embody? This is beyond role-playing because you are pulling out parts of yourself and developing comfort with them, with the intention of long-term integration.

It’s important to recognize the difference here between “performance” and “authentic” sexual expression. I’m not suggesting that you “perform porn star,” but that you tap into an energy of expression that resonates deeply with you, but has been blocked or never developed.  An archetype allows a big shift in perspective that offers permission to access and express new depths of your sexual being. So who do you want to be? If you're interested in learning more about the origins of the Wonder Woman character, check out my video from awhile ago about Wonder Woman.

~Dr. Jenn Gunsaullus, San Diego, CA -- Sociologist, Sexologist, Sexuality Speaker

(Photo of Lynda Carter as Wonder Woman from: http://bestofbothworldsaz.com/2011/03/12/wonder-woman-lynda-carter-an-arizona-beauty-2/)

One Billion Rising - San Diego 2013

For Valentine's Day this year, take a stand for love in a new way. Stand up, demand change, and dance.

ONE IN THREE WOMEN ON THE PLANET

WILL BE RAPED OR BEATEN IN HER LIFETIME.

ONE BILLION WOMEN VIOLATED IS AN ATROCITY.

ONE BILLION WOMEN DANCING IS A REVOLUTION.

From Foundation for Women: http://www.foundationforwomen.org/On V-Day’s 15th Anniversary, February 14, 2013, we are inviting ONE BILLION women and those who love them to WALK OUT, DANCE, RISE UP, and DEMAND an end to this violence. ONE BILLION RISING will move the earth, activating women and men across every country. V-Day wants the world to see our collective strength, our numbers, our solidarity across borders.

What does ONE BILLION look like? On February 14, 2013, it will look like a REVOLUTION.

ONE BILLION RISING IS:

A global strike

An invitation to dance

A call to men and women to refuse to participate in the status quo until rape and rape culture ends

An act of solidarity, demonstrating to women the commonality of their struggles and their power in numbers

A refusal to accept violence against women and girls as a given

A new time and a new way of being 

San Diego details:

2:14pm - Walk out of work

4:30pm - March downtown starting at City Hall

6:30pm - Speakers, entertainers, & dancing at Organ Pavillion in Balboa Park

Please visit One Billion Rising San Diego or their Facebook Page for all the San Diego details.

~Dr. Jenn Gunsaullus, San Diego, CA -- Sociologist, Sex Coach, Sexologist, Sexuality Speaker

How to Be More Vibrantly You!

What does it mean to live "vibrantly?" I looked up the formal definition recently, and read that "vibrant" means vigorous, lively, and vital, or pulsing with energy. This Friday, January 18, 2013, I will be speaking at a women's symposium on women's health, called Vibrantly You: Women's Wellbeing Symposium. This event is about helping women feel more alive both inside and out.

Gratefully women's health has been getting much greater attention in recent years, and there is a lot of research about how to be our most healthy and vibrant selves. This women's health symposium is founded by Dr. Diana Hoppe, who will share her inspirational story, and also speak about what women need to know about heart health and overall wellness. Dr. Jane Bening will clear up myths about women's hormones and hormone replacement therapy, and Dr. Tess Mauricio will speak about developing beauty on the inside and outside.

I will be wrapping up the lectures with an interative presenation about bringing mindfulness into your life for more fulfilling sexuality and greater passion! We'll complete the event with a parel discussion, fielding questions from the audience. I think when it comes down to it, the moments that we feel most alive are the most exciting and the most meaningful. However, it can be difficult to get out of the ruts and resentments of every day life. This event promises to stir things up and give women knowledge and tools to pulse with energy!

Vibranty You, Friday, January 18, 2013, 8am - 12:30pm, La Costa Resort, Carlsbad, CA.

As a friend of Dr. Jenn, you can receive a $22 discount with this "R & D" code. Register at the Vibranty You website, and I'll see you this Friday!

~Dr. Jenn Gunsaullus, San Diego, CA -- Sociologist, Sex Coach, Sexuality Speaker, Sexologist

Sex During the Holidays & Vibrantly You

Why are sex and intimacy during the holidays important and helpful? And how can you make it a priority? I was interviewed along with Dr. Diana Hoppe, my colleague who is the founder of the Vibrantly You: Women's Wellbeing Symposium, on San Diego Living today. Dr. Diana shares research on how sex is actually healthy for us, I offer tips for how to bring intimacy into the holiday season, and we discuss the Vibrantly You Symposium on January 18, 2013.

~Dr. Jenn Gunsaullus, San Diego, CA -- Sexologist, Sex Coach, Sexuality Speaker, Sociologist