Dr. Jenn Gunsaullus, sociologist and sexologist, writes her sex advice and gender commentary blog. The sex blog includes relationship advice, free sex education videos, sex tips, sex-positive mindfulness, and podcast interviews.
Unfortunately, we can be terrible sometimes at assessing long-term sexual compatibility at the start of a relationship because our feel-good neurotransmitters are running the show. Most of us know that feeling of overwhelming passion the first few weeks and months, when you can’t imagine not being easily aroused by your partner….
Read MoreFlirting through texting is a good thing - seriously. I don't think that technology today is interfering with all real communication, and flirting is a good example of something that can be facilitated and potentially enhanced through the media of texting. I spoke about the Dos and Don'ts of flirting through texting today, specifically for folks who are over 40 years old, on Channel 6's Wake Up San Diego. Check out the video posted below, and I've included some other thoughts below I didn't have time to articulate on the news.
I see 3 different categories of flirting through texting: Playful/teasing, romantic, and sexual. The playful version is like the teasing we did as teenagers by our lockers in high school (or was that just me?). For example, if your object of interest is reading poetry, make a cute jab about them "being a brooding poet," and include a winking emoticon so they know you're kidding. I just watched a young woman and man do this type of teasing bantering in a cafe recently. It was ridiculously transparent to the point of annoyance (to me, at least). But doing through texting, where no one else has to witness, is a good idea!
The romantic version of flirting through texting can be incredibly sweet, and the type of texts that girlfriends swoon over and share with friends. This is your chance to offer a genuine compliment - a funny memory from a recent date, a feature you love about them, or even a quote that expresses how your feel. Also, remembering to ask about something important about their day, such as a big meeting or their child's doctor appointment, can feel very nurturing on the receiving end.
And finally - sexting! This definitely gets the most attention and needs to be done with care. Two "don'ts" off the bat: Don't send naked photos and don't text late at night when drunk. I hear about frequent regrets in these areas. But DO plant the seeds for sexual banter, such as "I just got out of the shower," and let the intensity slowly build.
Don't use texting for long conversations better left to phone or email, but also don't write really short responses if you're interested in the other person and they are writing in more depth. In addition, if most of your relationship is unfolding via text and not in person, your date may not be willing to commit and you might want to move on. Do YOU have any flirting through texting lessons you learned the hard way?
~Dr. Jenn Gunsaullus -- San Diego, Sexologist, Sociologist, Sexuality Speaker
I'm not a fear monger and don't like to put folks into fear mode. On the only hand, there are some simple smarts tips that are valuable to keep in mind on a first date, so that you stay safe and in control! I was interviewed on San Diego Living this week about safe first date tips and early red flags in dating.
~Dr. Jenn Gunsaullus, San Diego - Sexologist, Sociologist, Sexuality Speaker
In this episode, Dr. Jenn interviews Rose Hartzell, PhD, a sex therapist, about the sexual risks faced by baby boomer women. Many older women don't know they are at risk!
SEXUAL FUN FACT
What does the male red-back spider do after it has sex with a female red-back spider?
SPECIAL DEN SEX-TION
Female erotic plasticity -- What's THAT mean?!
~Dr. Jenn Gunsaullus, San Diego, CA -- Sex Therapy, Marriage Counseling, and College Sexual Health Speaker
Have you been cheated on? What do you think about paying for meals? What about women who are dominant in the bedroom?
I was interviewed as a San Diego Sex Therapist on the Fox 5 Morning News last week, and this is Part 2 of the segment we did with seven bachelors (Part 1 is HERE). They handled themselves very well :) I was on the news promoting an event called Everything You Ever Wanted to Know About the Opposite Sex.
CLICK ON PHOTO TO VIEW VIDEO
~Dr. Jenn Gunsaullus, San Diego Sex Therapy, Marriage Counseling, College Sexual Health Speaker
CLICK ON PHOTO TO WATCH VIDEO.I was interviewed this morning on Fox 5 News, to promote the "Everything You Ever Wanted to Know About the Opposite Sex" event I'm a part of next week. They had 7 eligible bachelors in the studio, and myself along with morning anchors Heather Ford and Raoul Martinez, asked them individual questions about dating, women, and attraction. I don't think these guys knew what they were getting themselves into, but they really did a great job answering the questions, and I had the opportunity to comment on their responses.
~Dr. Jenn Gunsaullus -- San Diego Sex Therapy, Marriage Counseling, College Sexual Health Speaker
Dr. Jenn is a sociologist and relationship & sexuality speaker who challenges our cultural beliefs around sex, sexual consent, gender roles, and health intimacy, with a mindfulness and compassionate approach. Her site includes a sex blog, free sex education videos, sexuality speaking information, and mindfulness resources.
