New Sexuality Speaker Website

One of my biggest passions in the sexuality field is speaking about these topics in front of live audiences. I love having the opportunity to create safe and fun places to learn about sex and ourselves, despite potential embarassment by the audience and the taboo nature of frank sexual topics. To this end, I just created a new website which focuses on my work as a sexuality, sexual health, and safer sex speaker.

While my specialty is sexual topics, I take a broad and holistic approach to this, so my speaking topics include body image, communication, gender differences, healthy relationships, mindfuless, and the art of happiness.

Please feel free to check out my Sexuality Speaker website. Thanks!

~Dr. Jenn Gunsaullus, San Diego, CA -- Sexuality Speaker, Sex Therapist, Marriage Counselor, Sexologist

KeepandShare.com^(R) Photo Sharing Sites

Dear Dr. Jenn - Alcohol is a Relationship Buzzkill

Dear Dr. Jenn~

My boyfriend and I have a great relationship and usually get along really well. But recently when we’re out drinking, things get really ugly and we end up in huge fights. I know we love each other a lot, but is this a sign that we’re not compatible? What should we do?

Thanks,

Alcohol is a Relationship Buzzkill

http://www.faithfulforlife.com/how-to-kill-the-beast-in-your-marriage.htmlDear Alcohol Buzzkill,

This is a great question and a frequent problem I hear about in relationships. Alcohol is a double-edged sword—so much fun and a wonderful social lubricant, yet it can bring out the worst in us. I’m going to approach this question from three perspectives.

First, many assume that alcohol is a truth serum and what surfaces while under the influence reveals the “true self.” This is not necessarily true. The interaction between alcohol and the brain is much more complicated than that. So don’t presume that what is said while drunk reveals the truth and means you don’t love each other.

That being said, it is common to have unmet needs and unstated resentments in relationships. These can be triggered while drinking because people use the lowered inhibitions to speak their minds. Therefore, it’s important to create an ongoing safe space in your relationship to voice resentments. This needs to be done in a responsible way that doesn’t involve drinking or defensiveness.

Finally, an obvious and critical suggestion is to cut down on your alcohol consumption. Or at least have a glass of water every so often to slow yourself down. Since this is a known weakness in your relationship, change it or you might lose your boyfriend. If one or both of you become a real ass when drunk, then it’s time to grow up and own it. I think talking this through and making a few shifts in your relationship can ensure this doesn’t become an on-going problem.

Good luck,

Dr. Jenn

(This was originally posted as part of the Pacific San Diego Magazine's Love & Sex Blogger series.)

~Dr. Jenn Gunsaullus, San Diego, CA -- Sex Therapist, Marriage Counselor, Sexologist, College Sexual Health Speaker

New Birth Control Options for Men

Would men take a birth control pill? What are the upcoming new options for male contraception? Dr. Jenn speaks to Sean the Comedian, and her alter-ego Spicy Suzy interviews people on the streets of San Diego, for their opinions about who is responsible for stopping babies.

New Den SEX-tion - Bump, Marry, or Dump

~Dr. Jenn Gunsaullus, San Diego, CA -- Sex Therapist, Marriage Counselor, Sexologist, College Sexual Health Speaker

A Surprising Answer to Sex Problems: Mindfulness for Sex Therapy and Sex Coaching

Boring sex? Pain during intercourse? Distracted in bed? Sex addiction? No desire to get it on? Is it possible that all these sexual concerns and sex problems could have the same remedy? Yes, and that remedy is the ancient Buddhist practice of mindfulness.

Mindfulness is an awareness skill of being present in the moment, with your thoughts, emotions, and sensations. It is noticing the present moment and – here’s the kicker – not judging what you notice. The health benefits of mindfulness are profound: stress reduction, decline in anxiety, depression relapse prevention, overcoming addiction, and reducing chronic pain, not to mention greater happiness and fulfillment in life.

Researchers are also delving into the sexual realm to see how mindfulness can improve sex lives. Although little research has been done so far, it seems to be beneficial for women with low desire, vulva pain, and emotional distress from past sexual trauma. There is anecdotal evidence that it is valuable for sex “addiction,” erectile dysfunctions, and boredom.

I’ve been integrating mindfulness-based practices into my sex coaching and couples intimacy work for several years because I think it’s the foundation for all personal growth, and some sex therapists use it as well. Do you freak out with jealousy if your boyfriend receives a text from another woman? Mindfulness can help break that automatic pattern. Are you distracted during sex by your perception of your bulging belly or your long chore list to to-do items? Mindfulness skills keep you grounded in the moment and release such mind chatter. Integrating little daily practices of mindfulness can make these big brain changes.

I have mindfulness on my brain more than usual this week, because I just went to a sex conference this weekend. Its not as sexually titillating as it may sound, but it will be intellectually titillating. At this 2012 annual conference for AASECT (American Association of Sexuality Educators, Counselors, & Therapists) in Austin, TX, I will be speaking on “Get Out of Your Head & Into Your Body: Improving Sex Lives Through Mindfulness.” My take home message for the audience? Mindfulness is the new sexy.

~Dr. Jenn Gunsaullus, San Diego, CA -- Sex Coach, Marriage Coach, Sexologist, College Sexual Health Speaker

(This was originally posted as part of Pacific San Diego Magazine's sex & love blog series.)

Meditative Masturbation for Women

Vulva CandleThis isn't the first time I'm talking about the topic of Meditative Masturbation. Why? Because masturbation is still so taboo for women! It's unfortuate that an empowering, pleasurable, sensual, and PERSONAL activity such as masturbation is demonized just because it's about sexuality. Merging self-touching with the components of meditation and mindfulness is helpful in breaking through this discomfort and creating a pleasant experience. 

I created an audio file in mp3 format called, Meditative Masturbation for Women. This is a 10 minute guidance through your 5 senses and body exploration, based in relaxation, mindfulness, and comfort. If you'd like to reclaim (or claim for the first time!) you're ability to relax into masturbation, check it out! A donation of only $1.99 is requested: get mp3 here.

~Dr. Jenn Gunsaullus, San Diego, CA -- Sex Therapist, Marriage Counselor, Sexologist, College Sexual Health Speaker

The Time I Had Phone Sex & Didn't Know It

Photo from: http://blog.catermydate.com/2012/01/is-phone-sex-considered-cheating/I have a pretty cool job. People talk to me about their sex lives. The topics and discussions never cease to fascinate me because sex is complex and just so damn interesting. I really enjoy what I do, and I’m pleased and proud to be able to create a safe, nonjudgmental space around uncomfortable and socially taboo topics.

However, sometimes my work is challenging in unexpected ways, like when I get weird phone calls. I take all phone calls seriously and professionally, even if the person sounds odd or particularly nervous. Lots of people are nervous the first time they contact me, so I try not to use that as an indicator that it might be one of those phone calls.

I was helping my friend Josh with some deep cleaning at his house on a Saturday afternoon when I received a phone call from a restricted number. I rarely answer restricted calls, but was happy for an excuse to stop scrubbing. The call was from a gentleman asking about my phone counseling services (this was before I was doing long distance sessions through Skype).

Through a heavy accent, he asked for a sample of my approach to sexual topics, and I acquiesced. He wanted advice on how to bring more sexual pleasure to women, and somehow it morphed into asking how to stimulate his own nipples during sex. “Use your own hands?” I suggested, confused. Our discussion continued for quite some time, as I struggled to understand what he was asking of me. Josh poked his head around the corner and with a raise of his eyebrows inquired if I was all right. I nodded vigorously – I had this under control. I ended up suggesting that the gentleman try rubbing up against a pillow or the edge of his sofa or bed. Several times he asked, “Now? Are you saying I should do that now?” By the third time, I realized he was also breathing heavily. I promptly hung up.

Josh popped his head around the corner again. “How’d you enjoy that phone sex?” he laughed. “I didn’t know!” I cried. “That SOB was jerking off while I was trying to be a professional. I wasn’t even getting paid for it!” As if that hadn’t been enough, the gentleman actually called back and left a message, inquiring more about my services. Perhaps my unintentional phone sex skills were better than I thought.

Despite my discomfort and the unexpected challenges of working in the sex field, I appreciate the variety and complexity. I think it all comes down to respect. I have immense respect for my clients who choose to face their sexual or relationship concerns head-on. But a man yanking his wank under the guise of professional inquiry? Not so much.

~Dr. Jenn Gunsaullus, San Diego, CA -- Sex Therapist, Marriage Counselor, Sexologist, College Sexual Health Speaker