Hot Women Athletes? Does Using Sex to Sell Female Athletes Help the Sport?

Hot women athletes...does sex sell women's sports? How about female musicians? Or does using sex appeal detract from talent and ability? Dr. Jenn tackles this topic and how this impacts young girls, and reads a "Dear Dr. Jenn" letter about desire.

SEXUAL FUN FACT
When young women had sex for the first time, what happened to their overall satisfaction with their appearance? (Increase, Decrease, or Stay the Same?)

~Dr. Jenn Gunsaullus -- Sex Therapy, Marriage Counseling, and College Sex Education Speaker -- San Diego, CA

Today (10/19) is National "Love Your Body" Day! Ok, so now what?

What exactly does it mean to love our bodies? In a few weeks I will speaking at San Diego State University about this topic. It's a tough one. How can we LOVE our bodies, amidst an onslaught of negative media messages about how we should be dissatisfied with them? Look around you - much of advertising to women is based on tearing down our self-esteem and body-image, so that we want to buy their products to feel better. It's insidious and disgusting.

There are lots of ways to approach this, so I'll mention two here. First, consume less advertising and mass media. That shit will eat you alive! I know it can be difficult to pull back, but just take small steps of removing a certain magazine from your home, or a certain reality show from your viewing.

My next suggestion is to take a "holistic" approach to reframing how you view your body. With a sheet of paper, walk yourself through these five categories: physical, mental, emotional, social, and spiritual. What are your strengths in each category? How does your body support you and help your thrive? Write down any examples you can think of, whether big or small, such as: physical - my legs are strong enough to get me out of bed this morning; physical - I have pretty eyes; mental - my brain is good at math; emotional - I feel love very strongly in my heart; social - I am good at dancing with others; spiritual - when I meditate my body feels like it blends into the universe. Now use this list to your advantage! Keep adding to it. Consult it when you feel down. Brainstorm with your female friends to assist each other.

In honor of this day, I am reposting one of my "classic" In the Den with Dr. Jenn videos, about loving our bodies. Take a look and see how it can help you!

If you'd like to read another commentary on Love Your Body Day, check out Feministing's blog.

~Dr. Jenn Gunsaullus -- Sex Therapy, Marriage Counseling, & University Sexuality Speaker in San Diego, CA

Sexualizing Girls? Toddlers & Tiaras

I just read an article that really irritated me. Enough for me to say, "That's bullshit," out loud. It was titled "Toddlers and Tiaras' and Sexualizing 3-year-olds" and described TLC's show about beauty pageants for young girls. Frankly it disgusted me.

The socially conservative folks in our country would have us believing that there are threats to "our children" at every turn. And yet the blatant sexualization of young girls in beauty pageants is supported by many parents. Yes, they are too young to understand the sexual humor and innuendo. No, they are not too young to learn that their value and worth apparently comes from looking sexy, being attractive, and flaunting their bodies. I'd like to check back with these parents when their girls are teens, and see where they stand then.

I think that as girls, what we are taught brings attention and worth from a young age, forms a strong foundation for self-worth and self-esteem in life. Learning to base self-worth on appearance and sex appeal is a slippery slope, from teenage girls who are getting physical attention without the emotional maturity to handle it, or adult women whose bodies are continually aging and changing, and therefore betraying them. That's a sure recipe for body hatred, which has a significant impact on self-esteem, self-expression, respect of one's body, and sexual satisfaction.

I can't wrap my brain around the motivation of parents with beauty pageant girls. Attention? Fame? Value? Self-importance?  Yes, these are things we all strive for, to make us feel whole and worthy. But, please don't use your little girls to battle your personal demons. And that goes for you too, TLC.

If you'd like to read the article that incited this rant, visit CNN's "Toddlers & Tiaras' and Sexualizing 3-Year-Olds."

(Regarding the photo, the article states: "A placard opposes a child beauty pageant organized by the U.S. "Toddlers and Tiaras" in Melbourne, Australia, on July 30.")

Dr. Jenn Gunsaullus

San Diego - Sex Therapist, Marriage Counselor, University Sexuality Speaker

Love Your Body Day - Why Does this Matter for Women's Body Image?

I've been involved with several Love Your Body Day events in the past few years. Love Your Body Day was created by the NOW Foundation in 1998 to raise awareness about the depiction of women, women's bodies, and female sexuality in the media and popular culture. The NOW Foundation's Love Your Body website explains, "Hollywood and the fashion, cosmetics and diet industries work hard to make each of us believe that our bodies are unacceptable and need constant improvement."

Poor body-image is a topic that repeatedly surfaces with my female counseling clients and college students. It's an insidious weight that seems to follow women throughout their lives. And for many of us, the belief that a large part of our value, worth, and attention is derived from physical attractiveness, is ingrained from a young age. It impacts our ability for self-love, enjoyment of sexual activity, appreciation of our lives, and to know how to really honor ourselves.

What can we do about this? How can we improve body-image and help other women? I think it's a continual, daily process, of improving mindfulness. It's about noticing the negative thought patterns and reframing, finding and concentrating on what you have to grateful for, and creating your own version/vision of sexy.  When I guide women and students through this process, I use a holistic approach, meaning we delve into the physical, mental, emotional, social, and spiritual components. And then find a few small steps that can be taken every day to shift the tide.

Learning to love our bodies does not happen overnight, but is a gradual process of raising awareness, redefining, appreciating, and enjoying. This year's Love Your Body Day is on October 19, 2011. If your college, university, or women's organization is looking for a memorable and impactful speaker on this topic, please get in touch with me.

Sex on the Porch: Secrets of Older Women & Sexuality

Kat Forsythe, author of Sexperienced, talks with Dr. Jenn about the concerns older women may have around sexuality. She shares insights from her "Sex on the Porch" workshops.

SPECIAL GUEST
Katherine Anne Forsythe, Sex Educator & Coach

SEXUAL FUN FACT
Do non-human animals have a similar decline in sexual functioning as many humans?

The San Diego Sex Show: San Diego Sex Coaching

What's happening regarding sex and intimacy in San Diego, CA?  In the Den with Dr. Jenn returns for a third season, after a two-year hiatus, with a live studio audience. And what is the new trend of vajazzling? Find out at the San Diego Sex Show from one who does San Diego Sex Coaching.

SEXUAL FUN FACT

What are the top 5 places to have outdoor sex in San Diego?

SPECIAL DEN SEX-TION

What's happening (regarding sex laws) in YOUR town?