Everything You Ever Wanted to Know about the Opposite Sex

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Well, mabye not EVERYTHING! But this event is a good opportunity to glean some insights into the opposite sex regarding intimacy, dating, communication, sex, and relationships. Having more information like this, helps us respect and understand men and women better, and therefore have better and happier relationships. There will be a panel of experts to answer your questions, ranging from sex therapist (me), dating coach, love coach, and marriage & family therapist.

Tuesday, December 6, 2011, 6-8:30pm, $20/$35 in advance for singles/couples

Marina Village Conference Center, San Diego, CA

Learn more and register HERE.

~Dr. Jenn Gunsaullus -- San Diego, CA -- Sex Therapy, Marriage Counseling, and College Sexual Health Speaker

Don't Trust Your Intuition

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“I’m just feelin’ it, so I’m going to go with it.”

When the topic of intuition comes up, I find that people often fall into two camps: either they don’t listen to or trust their intuition, or they trust it too much. Interestingly, this realm of “intuition” seems to be the province of women. Tapping into, listening to, acting upon, or speaking about intuition is a gendered topic, perhaps because “knowledge from the brain” is considered masculine and “knowledge from the body” is considered feminine. Unfortunately, these gender restrictions impair us all, as we all have inner wisdom ready to guide us.
 
I believe intuition reveals in layers, and the more we can gain deep knowledge about ourselves, the more we can understand the nuances of our inner voice. Intuition often shows up as a gut feeling and knowing. Having a “feeling” about something may be your intuition. However, patterned behaviors based on fears and past negative experiences can also show up as a gut feeling. It may be an anxiety reaction or your ego defending itself and needing to feel right. These are clearly different in origin.
 
I’ve found that my intuition is quite strong and accurate when I’m fully present and aware in a situation, and when I’m in a state of open-heartedness or compassion. However, if I’m feeling threatened emotionally or one of my emotional triggers has been activated, I react from defensiveness and hurt, not from intuition. It seems to be a difference between being receptive or being reactive. Sometimes, it’s hard to tell the difference.
 
What can we do to develop this discernment? Research strongly points to the practice of mindfulness meditation. Daily practices of sitting quietly, with focus on breath, the present moment, and observing thoughts and bodily sensations without judgment, develops an important part of our prefrontal cortex. Creating more neural connections in this brain area strengthens impulse control, awareness, insight, empathy, and…intuition. I recommend starting with 10 minutes of quiet awareness as a daily commitment. It’s pretty amazing that “doing nothing” can offer all these skills! If you’d like more information on putting this into practice, read "Learning to Trust Yourself" or visit the resources on the Mindsight Website.

What are Men Thinking? What are Women Thinking? Event for Singles and Couples

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Everything You Ever Wanted to Know About the Opposite Sex...Event

Is that a lot of things? Men and women have quite a few differences regarding sex, intimacy, communication, and relationships, and if we don't understand and respect them, it can be pretty frustrating!

Everything You Ever Wanted to Know About the Opposite SexThis event brings together a panel of experts in sex therapy (me :), marriage & family therapy, dating, and love, to answer the questions from the audience and discuss the most common misconceptions and trouble areas. The audience will have the opportunity to reflect and interact about what's on their mind.

There will be wine and mingling at the end of the discussion. $20 in advance.

To register or learn more, go to this informational page.

Regain Your Relationship Soul

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"We sell our soul in spoonfuls."

A client once paraphrased this quotation and it resonated deeply with me both personally and professionally. He was speaking to that seemingly incomprehensible transition from a wonderful, connected relationship, to one with walls, deceit, and hurt. How does this happen in such a loving context? One spoonful at a time.

It is often hard to see this deterioration happening in a relationship, until you are far down the path. A powerful foundation to set at the beginning of a relationship is regular check-in times. Even just 20 minutes every week, or one hour every month, can ensure you are on the same page. You can rate your satisfaction or awareness level in areas such as closeness, needs being met, fun, resentments, and feeling heard or understood. Use a 1-10 scale which allows you to quantify your feelings and monitor changes over time. This helps you notice potential problems earlier. The environment of each check-in should be compassionate, open-hearted, and non-defensive, while understanding that this context may take time to build.

If you're at the other end of the spectrum, in a long-term relationship and asking, "How did we get here?", you can still implement a similar structure. It's never too late. I suggest starting small, with each individual choosing one topic area that concerns the other, and making a commitment to work on it (e.g., communicate more, touch more, increase household chores, listen attentively, ask about your partner's day, share deep thoughts, plan quality time, etc.). At your weekly check-in, rate how much effort you put into your task and your partner can rate how much they perceived your efforts, and vice versa. Be kind with each other, as this is sensitive terrain. Clarify with specific ideas and suggestions if it feels like you're using different language, and commit to small daily actions.

Without structured accountability and feedback, it can be difficult to stay on target to shift and create new patterns. Creating a safe, nurturing environment once a week to bare your soul can give your relationship new life. And a spoonful at a time, you can feed each other's soul.

(Photo props: Found on this site.)

~Dr. Jenn Gunsaullus, Sex Therapist, Marriage Counselor, & University Sexuality Speaker -- San Diego, CA

Sex Toys! What's Hot & New

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In this session of "In the Den With Dr. Jenn," Passion Consultant Sara Mead stops by to show off some new and very popular sex toys. What's "The Meat Hook" as a sexual position??

GUEST
Sara Mead, Passion Parties Consultant

SEXUAL FUN FACT
What is the best thing to do with old sex toys?

SEX POSITION OF THE DAY
The Meat Hook