1. Pretend you are a tourist in your own town. Even if you don't live in a tourist hot spot like San Diego, walking around your downtown area, licking an ice cream cone, and people watching can create a powerful bonding afternoon or evening. Add in a little role-playing by making up fake "tourist names."

2. Go to your local Farmer's Market and buy fresh vegetables and fruits. The veggies are nutritious and high in fiber - both important parts of keeping you working smoothly in the sexual realm. And the fruits are sensual and a tasty treat to eat alone or share with a sexy partner.

3. Listen to outdoor live music and make a picnic of the event. Entertain all 5 of your senses at once!

4. Watch a beautiful sunset with your lover and if you live by the Pacific ocean, even better! Use it as a time for calm reflection and deep appreciation.

5. View the night time sky on August 12 for the yearly Perseids Meteor Shower. Make time for some smooching between shooting stars! Visit this astronomy site for more information.

Jennifer Gunsaullus, Ph.D.

Sex Therapy & Relationship Counseling
~Healthy Sexuality & Happy Relationships in San Diego~
www.drjennsden.com

Complain. Bitch. Moan.

It’s easy to do this when we’ve been in a relationship for a while. We may take the positive things for granted and just expect them to be there. We are programed as animals to notice what is not working because this keeps our focus on survival. But how many of us just want to be surviving our relationships?

It feels a lot better to be focused on thriving. And when we focus on what’s working, it also gives us hope. {Click on 'Read More' below}

In preparation for this evening's "Cooking Up Seduction" presentation with Chef Jenn, I created this list of tips and ideas for mindful eating for a healthy sex life.

Ten Commandments of Sex & Food

1. Many fresh fruits are sensual and nutritious; choose 5 of different colors and create a fruit plate of foreplay.
2. Eating small amounts of dark chocolate is not only pleasing to your taste buds, it also raises your body’s endorphins.
3. Double the amount of time you usually spend eating a meal and chew each bite longer to truly experience the food.
4. Pay attention to all five senses when you’re in the bedroom and be present to the pleasant sensations in the moment.
5. Create your own aphrodisiacs – take turns once a week preparing or buying a meal or special food item that is all about pleasing your partner.
6. Eat a rainbow of fresh vegetables regularly for the high fiber and vitamins and minerals. A healthy you can lead to a healthy sex drive.
7. Spend 20 minutes eating an orange, alone or with a partner; be mindful of what it is like to make love to that orange.
8. If you are going to indulge in foods that you think are guilty pleasures, don’t feel guilty and just enjoy the experience (and the pleasures).
9. Never put sweet items in your vagina because the sugar can increase the chance of a bacterial infection.
10. Avoid foods that make you feel bloated and sluggish (e.g., fried foods, refined carbohydrates, rich cream sauces, saturated fats, or excessive sugar) – it doesn’t feel sexy!

Jennifer Gunsaullus, Ph.D.

Relationship & Intimacy Counseling
~Healthy Sexuality & Happy Relationships in San Diego~
www.drjennsden.com

Jennifer Gunsaullus, Ph.D.

Relationship & Intimacy Counseling
~Healthy Sexuality & Happy Relationships in San Diego~
www.drjennsden.com

Some days I do it for 4 or 5 hours. Sometimes, I'll even take a break, have some lunch and go for it a second time so now we are talking 9 or 10 hours. Sometimes when I am finally done I am exhausted and hurt in places you can't imagine. I do it enough that I have calluses on my hands so even after nine hours of the same repetitive motion I don't get blisters. It is engrossing. I get fixated. I can't explain it. Sometimes I actually feel like I am at one with my balls! Most of my friends are envious and wish their wives would let them do it as much as they want like I can. My girlfriend totally encourages me to take this time for myself and she never interferes. My mom is 82 and she is also supportive. I know it sounds weird, but when I'm done my mom usually wants to hear about my experience. I'm not sure if it is my old brain or my new brain, but I've got to tell you, it does some crazy stuff to me. Thanks for letting me share how happy golf makes me. Do I need to go to rehab?

(Compliments of Neil Cannon, PhD, www.doctorcannon.com)

Jennifer Gunsaullus, Ph.D.

Relationship & Intimacy Counseling
~Healthy Sexuality & Happy Relationships in San Diego~
www.drjennsden.com

“Have you mentioned this concern to your wife?” I ask.
“No – any time I try, she gets very defensive. We just can’t talk about things like this,” my client responds despondently.

We all have topics in relationships that are difficult to discuss. It can be tough to find the right words to talk about sex, intimacy problems, and relationship needs in a productive way. But once a topic becomes taboo in communication, it takes on a life of its own. If the lines of communication break down, this can breed distrust, secrets, resentments, and disconnection.

My suggestion? If you can’t speak it, write it! Although there are many forms of writing (e.g., emails, letters) I particularly like having a special journal. This is a place where your relationship can continue to grow and flourish, even amidst uncomfortable and heated topics. Choose a journal that you both agree is sacred to your deepest topics and a safe location to keep it. Then also choose a playful or attractive item to place on top of the journal, to indicate that a discussion has started within that requires a response. This could be a stuffed animal, a toy, a flower, or anything that feels safe and nice. In this way, you can completely avoid spoken words around the taboo topics.

How you write in the journal is also very important. Here are some suggestions to safely open the lines of communication:
1) Explicitly state that you understand these are difficult topics and you don’t mean to make him/her feel uncomfortable or defensive. Acknowledge that you understand if s/he does feel that way and you’re sorry for the discomfort.
2) State your thoughts and concerns clearly and concisely. Speak about how you feel. Be responsible and accountable for your feelings and your part in the current circumstances, and avoid blaming your partner for everything.
3) Be proactive and offer a few ideas or suggestions of how to move through this tough topic. Write that these ideas are up for negotiation, so your partner knows s/he has a voice in creating compromise.
4) End with 3 questions to help prompt a reply and direct the discussion towards clarity and authenticity.

Place the chosen indicator item on the journal and move on with your day. Agree ahead of time as to what length of time each person has to respond (1 day? 3 days?). This method won’t solve all your concerns and taboo topics overnight, but it does allow for movement through stagnation, and a potential path forward.

Jennifer Gunsaullus, Ph.D.

Relationship & Intimacy Counseling
~Healthy Sexuality & Happy Relationships in San Diego~
www.drjennsden.com