KMart - Abstinence Only Messages on Teen Girls' Asses?

Sun, 06/22/2008 - 12:25pm — Dr. Jenn

"True Love Waits"
This is a saying girls can wear on the front and rear of their sweatpants if they shop at KMart.

In light of the popularity of teenage clothing with sayings such as "Sweet Stuff" on rears and "Porn Star" or "Sperm Dumpster" on t shirts (OK, that last phrase was actually a reference to a Family Guy episode ;), I'm not surprised by a backlash to this with abstinence or Christian messages.

I don't agree with the sexualization of girls and teenagers. I think young women learn that their value is in their sexual attractiveness to others and become attached to that attention. This happens way before most girls even have an understanding of what it means to be sexual under their own terms or the big picture around sexuality (i.e., physical, mental, emotional, social, and spiritual). They learn to perform for others and feel important through the attention, but don't learn who they are or what they want at a deeper, authentic level.

But I'm quite sure that putting alternative "abstinent" messages across breasts or asses is not helping the situation. Because it's still about young women getting value and attention through their bodies. Whether the perceived message is "You can have me" or "You can't have me unless you marry me," they both sexually objectify women and place their self-value and worth in their sexual abilities to attract attention, long before they have explored what sex means to them.

This asinine conservative response is so simplistically dualistic in nature. I grow weary of such ignorance. But it sure makes for great blogging topics!

Jennifer Gunsaullus, Ph.D.

Relationship & Intimacy Doctor
Female Sexual Empowerment in San Diego
www.drjennsden.com

Dr. Jenn's blog
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Comments

Tue, 07/01/2008 - 7:57am — Ruby22

Hmmm

I can see it now, two moms on the porch talking about their teenage daughters.

"No Carol, I didn't have 'the talk' with her. We were at Kmart, and I thought the pants would get the message across. Trendy clothes have made my concept of morality much easier to pass off on her."

I remember when I was in school, there was the Promise Ring fad. It wasn't too big in my area, but I had heard of parents shelling out a lot of money for their little girl to promise to wait until marriage...what ended up happening is that a little gold ring wasn't enough to keep a promise when horomones, and life got in the way!

What irritated me is that boys didn't have to make scary, embarassing and sometimes confusing promises to their parents. This was usually done at a young age, maybe 13 or 14 before girls experienced their own desires.

I had my phases of Bible-thumping at age 12 and 13, (When the
WWJD thing was popular) but then when I started to experience horomone changes, I felt so confused that my body was giving me signals that I was told were wrong...

The pants remind me of a girl in my freshman english class that thought butt-sex was a good way to preserve her virginity.

Thu, 07/03/2008 - 3:27pm — Dr. Jenn

Morality through Clothing and Rings

This is hysterical, Ruby22!
Thanks for being both poignant and humorous :)
Bringing up the Promise Rings is a great point...and it reminds me of the Purity Balls I spoke of back in episode #39. Thank you for your personal insight into how "scary, embarrassing and sometimes confusing" these situations can be for teenage girls. I'm completely frustrated by the lack of open and honest discussions around the topics, and how the girls are not taught to know themselves, appreciate themselves on their own terms, and think for themselves. Your conversation with the two moms on the porch depicts this quite well!