Choosing Childlessness

Thu, 12/27/2007 - 1:26pm — Dr. Jenn

Although women have many more choices than even in the past, regarding career, family, travel, and life, it is often still assumed that all women want to have children. And if a woman doesn't want children, then she needs to explain herself...to everyone. Anyone choosing childlessness and want to share their stories?

Den Chat Topics

Sun, 12/30/2007 - 3:30pm — runningchick

Not really sure I'd call it a choice for us singles

If you’re single and in you’re 30s with no relationship in sight, is it that I’m choosing to remain childless or don’t even have a choice? Raising a child is such an important job, that there’s no way in hell that I’d ever consider doing it on my own. And even with a partner, if he’s not willing to give his all as well, forget it.

Wed, 04/30/2008 - 5:47pm — Ruby22

I'm 21, in a long term

I'm 21, in a long term relationship, and everyone assumes that having kids is in my near future.

I HATE IT when I say that I'm not interested in having kids (and sometimes mention why) and they say "Oh, you'll change your mind!" I can't emphasize how irritated that makes me- as if motherhood is some kind of spell that falls over you and you are overtaken by the need to have children.

There is nothing about having a child that appeals to me. If I change my mind, that's fine- but I hate how people ASSUME that every woman has this innate need for babies.

Quite frankly, and I mean no offense to anyone with an education who also has children....but in regards to a woman's "second shift" (work all day, come home to care for kids and home) why would I go to school for four years, develop my career, only to have kids and then have to choose between my identity in a career and childcare? Men typically don't have that decision to make- it's assumed.

I don't want to be put in that position!

I've never had an interest in kids- does that magically change? Do I start to hear the clock ticking? I hope not.

Fri, 05/09/2008 - 7:37pm — Dr. Jenn

I Hear Ya...

...and you'll continue to hear "Oh, you'll change your mind" for many, many more years. And some women do change their minds, perhaps from societal pressure, perhaps pressure from a partner, and perhaps a personal change in values, priorities, and fulfillment in life. It's still assumed that most women will and should want to have children.

It's take a lot of strength to stand firm in a decision that feels right and authentic to you, but goes against the grain of society. :)

Jennifer Gunsaullus, Ph.D.

Sociologist & Sexual Health Educator
www.drjennsden.com

Thu, 05/15/2008 - 10:08pm — Ruby22

I always find it a bit

I always find it a bit alarming when the main-stream media portrays EVERY woman to have this "ticking clock" within her...that women are baby-crazed lunatics who can't think of anything but getting pregnant when they reach a certain age.

But another issue that I think should be discussed-

How far should you go to get pregnant if you're having trouble conceiving? Why does society seem to think it's "okay" to go into serious debt to pay for fertility treatments?
Is there a right or wrong in the pursuit of pregnancy? How much is too much?
Is pregnancy a status symbol?

Mon, 05/19/2008 - 1:56pm — runningchick

some more opinions

Thanks for continuing this discussion, Ruby22.
While its bothersome that there's an assumption about women wanting to have babies, I find it understandable, since its only a small percentage who won't (I believe around 15%). This is just what you have to deal with when you're part of a minority, and at least the people closest to you will know your true feelings and be sensitive to them.
Last month's issue of Glamour magazine had a great article about IVF, and multiple birth pregnancies, and how unregulated the whole thing is. It made me sick to see the way women are treated as science experiments, and can end up paying huge amounts of money for something with no guarantee, and getting themselves into situations with no easy answers. But sometimes the outcome justifies the means, and for some couples, if its truly their dream to be parents, its all worth it.
And I'm sure you are right about pregnancy being a status symbol for SOME women and some couples - no different than a nice house or expensive car. I'm hoping this is just a small minority though. Its the kids that will suffer, growing up in an environment where they learn to value material posessions over everything else.